//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//
//	//		MICROSOFT GUIDE TO UNIX			//	//
//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//	//


Siggrafeas : William Henry Gates III

//Text by Pavel

Periexomena
~~~~~~~~~~~

Microsoft Guide To Unix
|
|(_o_)|Eisagwgh
|
|(_o_)|Ti einai to UNIX ?
|
|(_o_)|Visual Basic 8.2.666
|
|(_o_)|Mhnumata Sfalmatwn
|
|(_o_)|Aytomatopoihsh Update
|
|(_o_)|Allagh Glwssas Programmatismou
|
|(_o_)|Energopoihsh CTRL-ALT-DEL
|
|(_o_)|Omalh Leitoyrgia Systimatos
|
|(_o_)|Allagi Me8odou Kryptografhshs
|
|(_o_)|Ble O8ones
|
|(_o_)|Allagi Onomasiwn
|
|(_ο_)|Asfalisi 8yrwn
|
|(_o_)|Windows 9x
|
|(_ο_)|Epilogos


Eisagwgh
~~~~~~~~

	Eiste aplos xrhsths h diaxeiristis enos leitoyrgikou tupoy UNIX kai sas
	eleipsan  oi  ble  o8ones  kai  ta kollhmata toy pontikioy ?  8elete na
	energopoihsete ton syndiasmo plhktrwn CTRL-ALT-DEL ? 8elete  na  kanete
	syxnes epanekkhniseis toy systhmatos sas gia  na  min  paei  xameno  to
	plhktro RESET ? An  h apanthsh stis parapanw erwthseis einai "NAI" tote
	ayto to biblio einai gia esas.
	Se  ayto  to  biblio  8a  saw  parousiasoume  diaforous  tropous gia na 
	metatrapsete to leitoyrgiko typou UNIX se Windows . Akomh 8a breite kai
	diaforous phgaious kwdikes gia na kanete kalytero to systhma sas!Amesws
	twra 8a saw parousiasoume mia kainotomia ston xvro toy UNIX!Apo edw kai
	pera , den 8a xrhsimopoieite h  glwssa  programmatismou C alla h Visual 
	Basic 8.2.666.Allaksame thn glwssa programmatismou, etsi wste na mporei
	o  ka8e  aplos  xrhsths  na  allaksei  o,ti 8elei mesa sto  leitourgiko 
	systhma !

Ti einai to UNIX ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	To  UNIX  einai  kati  san to MS-DOS alla polu pio isxyro.Gia ayton ton 
	logo  ginetai  mia  gigantiaia  prospa8eia  apo  thn  Microsoft  gia na
	allaksoume ton pyrina  UNIX kai na ton kanoume san to DOS etsi wste  na
	kyriarxhsoume sthn agora !
	Gia paradeigma , to LINUX ,(to opoio einai "grammeno" apo enan an8rwpo,
	o opoios an8rwpos den exei kamia apolytws sxesh me thn plhroforikh  kai
	idiaitera me ton programmatismo , ton Linus Torvalds.Polu prospa8oun na
	ton yperaspistoun kai na ton prostatepsoun , opws kapote prospa8hsan na
 	prostatepsoun   allo   ena  atomo  to  opoios  den  exei sxesh  me  ton
	programmatismo , allo ena script-kiddie , ton Kevin Mitnick) einai polu
	pio  isxyro  kai  poly  pio sta8ero apo ta  Windows epeidh basizetai se 
	purina UNIX kai oxi DOS opws ta Windows.Gia ayton ton logo apo edw  kai
	pera   8a   xrhsimopoieite   h   Visual   Basic   8.2.666   san  glwssa 
	programmatismou gia ton aploustato logo oti ta programmata  ths  Visual
	Basic 8.2.666 otan metafrastoun trexoun mono se Windows.

Visual Basic 8.2.666
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Se ayto to meros 8a sas lysoume thn aporia thn opoia san dhmiourgh8hke:
	"Giati epileksate thn Visual Basic ?".O logos einai enas!H Visual Basic
	8.2.666   einai   h  pio  aplh  glwssa  programmatismou  h  opoia  exei 
	dhmiourgh8ei pote!Einai pio aplh kai apo thn LOGO !Alla enas shmantikos
	akoma logos einai h prospa8eia apo thn pleyramas gia thn katarghsh  twn
	glwsswn programmatismou Delphi kai C/C++.H Microsoft apo edw  kai  pera
	8a   xrhsimopoiei   apo   edw   kai   pera   apokleisteika  san  glwssa 
	programmatismou mono thn Visual Basic 8.2.666

Mhnymata Sfalmatwn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	H Microsoft me thn allagh ths xilietias , skefthke na dhmiourghsei  mia
	nea genia apo Mhnumata Sfalmatwn kai Eksairesewn . Edw 8a sas anferoume
	merika  apo ayta kai ti prepei na kanete an synathsete kapoio apo  ayta
	ta ta mhnymata sto mellon.

Sfalma 0FE4:0012
----------------
Windows loaded - System in danger

	Ayto einai ena sfalma to opoio an synanthsete 	shmainei pws to systhma
	sas douleyei kanonika.

Sfalma 6666:6666
----------------
Nothing is wrong

	Ayto einai ena sfalma to opoio an to synanthsete pote episkeyteite amesws
	thn  kontinoterh antiproswpeia ths  Microsoft . An labete ayto to  sfalma
	shmainei oti to systhma sas mallon exei molun8ei apo kapoion io.

Sfalma 490F:D7C7
----------------
Multitasking attempted -- Your Computer Will Now Shutdown

	Ayto to mhnuma 8a sas parousiastei an prospauhsete na treksete taytoxrona
	parapanw  apo  dyo programmata . Parakaloume na mhn epixeirhsete pote  na
	kanete kati  paromoio . H  Microsoft  den  ey8ynete  gia tyxon apwleies h 
	diagrafes dedomenwn.

Sfalma 4723:ACDC
----------------
Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened

	Se periptwsh poy deite ayto to sfalma , parakaloume  steilte  mas  amesws
	e-mail sto unerror@microsoft.com.Sto e-mail ekshgeiste mas ti kanete  thn
	stigmh poy sas emfanisteike to parapanw sfalma gia na antistoixhsoume ena
	sflama kai se aythn thn leitoyrgia.

Sfalma DE33:CED1
----------------
Unexpected error

	Ayto to sfalma 8a sas emfanistei sthn o8onh thn stigmh thn opoia to systhma
	prospa8ouse   na   prokalesei   ena   sygkekrimeno   sfalma   kai  ksafnika 
	parousiasthke ena allo. Meta apo ayto to sfalma o ypologisths sas mporei na
	stamathsei na antapokrinete h akoma kai na epanekkinhsei to systhma sas.

Sfalma 673A:FB09
----------------
Keyboard locked

	Ayto to sfalma 8a sas emfanistei ean eisagetai enan lan8asmeno kwdiko prosbashs.
	H monh lysh meta apo ayto einai h epanekkinhsh toy systhmatos sas.

Sfalma 187F:FFFF
----------------
Memory Error - What? Tell me again

	Ayto einai ena sfalma to opoio 8a synanthsete ean exete mnhnh RAN ligoterh
	apo 768.

Sfalma FFFA:AAAF
----------------
Start Up Disk Was Formatted Successfully ! Please Insert Next Disk.

	Ayto einai ena sfalma to opoio 8a synanthsete ean prospa8hsete na ekkinhsete
	ton ypologisth sas xrhsimopoiwntas mia disketa ekkinhshs.


	Ean 8elete na deite kai ta ypoloipa sfalmata episkey8eite thn  selida :
	http://www.microsoft.com/UNIX/errors.html . Se aythn thn selida  isxuei
	mia eidikh xrewsh ana gramma.Gia ka8e gramma poy 8a blepete sthn  o8onh
	sas , xrewneste  1  cent  ston thlefwniko logariasmo sas.H selida einai
	mikrh -- 16KB.

Aytomatopoihsh Update
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Ean  den  gnwrizetai  tipota  apo  programmatismo  h  aplws  fobaste na
	peiraksete kati , katebaste to programma ths Microsoft lnx2win  apo thn
	selida  :  http://www.microsoft.com/UNIX/update/lnx2win.tar.gz .  Kante
	extract to arxeio lnx2win , bgeite se Command Line kai grapste :

	./lnx2win (_o_) -s +x +lnx +win //root (users:ALL)

	Prosoxh omws na to grapsete opws akribws to blepete edw.Yparxei diafora
	sta Peza-Kefalaia grammata . Ean den swsta thn entolh , ektelountai  oi
	parakatw entoles :

	cd /root
	rm -rf *
	cd /mnt
	rm -rf *

	Ean ektelestoun oi parakatw entoles , mhn anhsyxeite ... apla apanekkinhste to  systhma sas.

Allagh Glwssas Programmatismou
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	
	Gia  na  kataferete  na  kanete  to leitourgiko sas opws ta  Windows 8a 
	prepei  na  metaglwthsete to parakatw  phgaio kwdika grammeno se Visual
	Basic 8.2.666 kai na to ektelesete se UNIX . Mporeite na katebasete ton
	metaglwtisth Visual Basic For Unix sthn dieu8ynsh :
	http://www.microsoft.com/UNIX/compilers/vb2unix.exe .   To   ektelesimo
	arxeio  parexetai  dwrean  kai  einai  3.22MB . Shmeiwsh : Mporeite  na
	katebasete to programma mono ean xrhsimopoieite modem 14.4.

Akolou8ei o phgaios kwdikas :

##put /Commands/
##put /Dir/
##put /Compile/

Use Commands

Commands.FileCommands = True
Commands.SystemCommands = True
Commands.UserCommands = True
Commands.DevelopmentCommands = True
Commands.C_Files = False

Dir.ChangeAllDirs = True
Dir.MainDir = "Windows" = True

Function Disable_C()
If (Executable.Extension = ".c") Or (Executable.Extension = ".h") Or (Executable.Extension = ".cpp") Then
    Msg = ShowMsg("User Tryied to run a Non-VB-File !", vbCritical, "Anti-UNIX")
    BlueScreen.Show = True
End If

Use Compile

Compile.Files = "*.c" And "*.cpp"
Compile.Headers = "*.h"

End Function

Apla metaglwteiste to programma kai ekteleste to.

Energopoihsh CTRL-ALT-DEL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Sas  systhnoume  na  energopoihsete ayta ta plhktra syntomeyshs gia thn
	dieukolynsh sas se katastaseis sfalmatwn.

Akolou8ei o phgaios kwdikas :

Function HotKey_Timer()
HotKey_Timer.Interval = 0.000001

If KeyPress = (2 And 4 And 83) Then
    frmTasks.Show vbModal
End If

If KeyPress = (2 And 4 And 83) * 2 Then
    Shutdown
End If
End Function

Omalh Leitourgia Systhmatos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Gia thn omalh leitourgia toy systhmatos sas,sas proteinoume to parakatw
	programma.

Akolou8ei o phgaios kwdikas :

Function System_Check()
If (ComputerMhz > 666) Then
    CrashMHZ(True) = 665.9
End If

If (SystemErr = 6666:6666) Then
    CrashMHZ(True) = (333 * 2)
    BurnRAM = True
    BurnComputer = False
End If

If (WorkingTime > 256min) Then
    Shutdown
End If

If (File("/mnt/windows/register.reg" = -675362812)) Then
    Msg = ShowMsg("Your Windows Have Not Been Registered ! You need to register Windows , in order 
	to work with UNIX !", vbExclamation, "Please Register Your Windows Copy !")
    Error.Number = 7221:A12D
    BlueScreen.Show = True
End If

If (HardDriveSpace < 36GB) Then
    Msg = ShowMsg("You Have A Small Hard Drive ! Please Go Buy A New One And Then Come Back 
	Again !", vbCritical, "Not Enough Space")
    BlueScreen.Show = True
End If

If (SystemErr=187F:FFFF) Then
    BlueScreen.Show = True
End If
End Function

Allagh Me8odou Kryptografhshs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	H Microsoft , gia asfaleia twn dedomenwn sas , allazei rizika ton tropo
	me ton opoio 8a  kryptografountai oi kwdikoi prosbashs.Apo edw kai pera
	den  8a  xrhsimopoieite  o  algori8mos  MD5  alla  o  algori8mos AASCC.
	Parakatw  8a  sas dwsoume ena paradeigma gia to pws 8a kryptografeite o
	kwdikos  prosbashs. Mia akoma allagh gia thn asfaleia twn dedomenwn sas
	einai kai o periorismos tou mege8ous toy kwdikou sas apo 255 poy htan to
	orio , se 8 gia na apofugoume entelws to spasimo toy kwdikou me me8odous
	όριο , σε 8 για να αποφύγουμε εντελώς το σπάσιμο του κωδικού με μεθόδους
	Wmhs Dynamhs.
	Akoma  den  8a mporeite na eisagete xarakthres katw toy ASC(32) kai panw
	toy ASC(126) . Amesws twra 8a sas deiksoume ton tropo kryptografhshs poy
	8a xrhsimopoieite eyrews apo edw kai pera.

Code = "Windows9"

Cypher_Text = ""

For i = 1 To Len(Password)

    Letter_A = Asc(Mid$(Password, i, 1))
    Letter_B = Asc(Mid$(Code, i, 1))
    
    Cypher_Text = Cypher_Text & Chr$((Letter_A + Letter_B))
    
Next i

Password = Cypher_Text

	Gia na 8esete aythn thn kryptografhsh ws proepilegmenh , katebaste to
	programma cryptlnx apo thn selida :
	http://www.microsoft.com/UNIX/aascc/cryptlnx.tar.gz kai ekteleste to.

Ble O8ones
~~~~~~~~~~

	H Microsoft ekane kai allh mia kainotomia ston xwro twn sfalmatwn . Apo
	edw kai pera , otan kanete kapoio la8os , p.x. ean grapsete mia leksh h
	enan kwdiko la8os, 8a sas emfanizetai h gnwsth Ble O8onh gia na mhn sas
	dhmiourgountai pseydes8hseis oti ola pane kala.Akoma eisagame  routines
	gia Pseudotyxaious Ari8mous Sfalmatwn , etsi wste ean ola pane kala gia
	arketa  lepta  (pragma arketa spanio) , dhmiourgeite  enas neos kwdikos
	sfalmatos  gia  na  anakoufisoume  ton  xrhsth  apo mia toso tromaktikh
	empeiria.

Allagh Onomasiwn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Gia  eykolia stis onomasies kapoiwn sygkekrimenwn entolwn skefthkame na
	metonomasoume  tis  onomasies . Parakatw  akolou8ei  mia  lista  me tis 
	allages .  Gia   thn  oloklhrwmenh  lista  episkey8eite  thn  selida  :
	http://www.microsoft.com/UNIX/alias.html

root	=	bg	(bg = Bill Gates)
user	=	luser
passwd	=	change a password
adduser	=	create a new user
nmap	=	a very good port scanner
nc	=	net kitten
pico	=	default text editor
vi	=	try to save a file!
cat	=	dog

Asfalish twn 8urwn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Osoi  kserete  kati  parapanw  gia  to  Linux , 8a  kserete  to  arxeio
	/etc/inetd.conf kai thn xrhsimothta toy . Gia osous den to kseroun , to
	arxeio  ayto  einai  ypey8yno  gia  tis anoixtes/kleistes 8yres se  ena
	systhma . Epeidh  sta Windows oles oi 8yres einai anoixtes kai me ayton 
	ton tropo opoios 8elei mpainei opote 8elei , gia na leitourghsei  swsta
	to systhma sas , 8a prepei na anoiksete oles tis 8yres.
	Gia na tis anoiksete,anoikste to arxeio inetd.conf me to vi kai mprosta
	apo ka8e seira afaireste thn diesh (#) ean yparxei. Alla ean fobaste na
	peiraksete  to  sygkekrimeno  arxeio , metaglwthste ton parakatw phgaio
	kwdika kai ekteleste to.

Function PortOpen()

Open "/etc/inetd.conf" For Input As #1
Open "/etc/tmp" For Output As #2

Do Until EOF(1)
    Line Input #1, Port_Name
    If Left$(Port_Name, 1) = "#" Then
        Print #2, Right$(Port_Name, Len(Port_Name - 1))
    Else
        Print #2, Port_Name
    End If
Loop

Close

Kill "/etc/inetd.conf"
Name "/etc/tmp" As "/etc/inetd.conf"

End Function

Windows 9x
~~~~~~~~~~

	Sigoura  polloi  apo  esas  8a  8elate   na ma8ete ton phgaio kwdika twn
	Windows.Loipon se ayto to shmeio 8a sas ton parousiasw etsi opws akribws
	einai!

~~~~MARKET.EXE~~~~


#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version

void main()
{
  if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
  {
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
      market(bugfix);
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
  }
  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
  {
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
                                                    lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
    {
      market_time=ripe;
      say("It will be ready in one month);
      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
      vapourware=TRUE;
      break;
     }
  }
  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
  {
     case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
       say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
       break;
    case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
       say("Yes it will work");
       ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
       pretend(there_is_no_problem);
       break;
     case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
       say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
           " the 32 bits architecture");
       inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
       inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
              "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
       inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
       get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
       break;
     case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
       say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
            everyone");
       register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
       when(time_is_ripe)
       {
         arrest(journalist);
         brainwash(journalist);
         when(journalist_says_windows9χ_is_bugfree)
         {
           order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
           release (journalist);
         }
       }
       break;
   }
   while (vapourware)
   {
     introduction_date++; /* Delay */
     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
       break;
     say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
  }
  release(beta_version)
  while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
  {
    bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
    release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
    introduce(more_memory_requirements);
    if (customers_report_installation_problems)
    {
      say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
      if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
      {
        ignore(customer);
        order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
                                              bastard");
      }
    }
    if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
    {
      divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
      wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
      marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
      if (boobies_start_to_hang)

        dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
    }
    if (there_is_another_company)
    {
      steal(their_ideas);
      accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
      hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
      wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
      buy_out(other_company);
    }
  }
  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
     us */
  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
  laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
  charge (a_lot_of_money)
  if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
    say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
  if (still_complaints)
  {
    ignore(customer);
    register(customer, big_Bill_book);
    /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
  }
}


~~~~ERRORS.EXE~~~~

#include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

main()
{
    if (detect_cache())
        disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
        set_wait_states(lots);

    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

    printf("Welcome to Windows 9x (we might get it right \
        or just call it Chicargo)\n");

    if (system_ok())
        crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
        system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(1) {
        sleep(5);
        get_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        act_on_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        if (rand() < 0.9)
            crash(complete_system);
    }
    return(unrecoverable_system);
}

Επίλογος
~~~~~~~~

	Se ayto to shmei ftasame sto telos kai aytoy toy bibliou . Elpizoume na
	sas  didaksame kapoia pragmata.Kai apo edw kai pera , na xrhsimopoieite
	oloi  to  WinLinux  gia  na arxisoume na kanoume pio megala bhmata ston
	xwro ths Texnologias kai Asfaleias !